Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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