Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
