3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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