I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
