come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
