I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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