Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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