What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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