Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
