Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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