The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
