Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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