The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
