i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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