Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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