hotel room ftw
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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