I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
