Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
