Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
