Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
