Umm I'm too high to move.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
