i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
