Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
