I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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