I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
