I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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