I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
