Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
