I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
