can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
