my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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