Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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