Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
