i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
