Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
