and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
