Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
