evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How external is "for external use only"?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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