I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
