i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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