We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
