Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
