There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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