Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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