I am puke
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Still dying that you shit outside
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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