I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
