did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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