I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had sex on a roof
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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