So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
