It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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