He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
