in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's get the cat blown out
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
