So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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