How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
