I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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