This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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