if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
