are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize