Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
