I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need water and some morals
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
