Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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