I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
