I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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