Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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