I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
