You work out of a Hotel?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS