i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him