Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
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It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.