Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
