ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
