If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
