i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
