So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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