Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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