I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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