you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
