I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
