I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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