I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
