she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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